I recall a time in my 10 year marriage that I thought that wasn’t being loved the way I felt I should. I became sulky and sullen and I just couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so low. I would wake up every morning and go to bed every night and do chores and general ‘life’ things in between…so why was I feeling so empty?
I would complain and complain that Tim just didn’t love me enough to which he would adamantly protest time and again. But of course I was right. I mean, really, how could I possibly be wrong!! I knew my heart. I knew my emotions. They were MINE afterall.
I don’t know when it happened…but one day it just hit me. How can I possibly feel loved when I am so absorbed in myself and my needs and neglected Tim. Completely neglecting him. I don’t know how he did it; loving me when I was giving Nothing back. Thankfully he did.
Now I realize that if I want to feel more loved I have to love Tim first. It just simply won’t work if only one person is giving everything and the other nothing.
You can’t draw water from an empty well.

As I reflected, I tried to understand where our intense love for them came from. Then I realized, we wrote them a song the week after they had been released. We wrote that song for them after they had spent one last weekend on the beach with us. I have a memory of Sister Ellis sitting behind me on the sand and wrapping her arms around my shoulder and telling me how special I was. I recall the evidence of hours of preparation in each lesson they taught us. I remember Sister Sprague sobbing as she passed out carved wooden angels unique to each girl’s personality as a parting gift. Through years of memories, I uncover encouraging notes left on my car, birthday notes and gifts long after their duty was fulfilled to us, and images of them praying, the importance they put on spiritual things, and hearing their testimonies.

Because I KNEW of their love, spoken and unspoken, in every action I WANTED to be who they wanted me to be. I wanted to be better. And because I knew they loved me, I loved them. . . so much, and I still do. Their influence over my youth is second only to my own mother’s. I still try to live like they did. I still aspire to be the kind of woman that they each were and still are. Their love was their power and their gift.

I think it is impossible to harbor angry feelings for someone who is serving you out of love. . . who manifests their love in word and deed, sincerely and whole-heartedly. You can see that love shining in their eyes. It is impossible not to see it. I saw it in my leader’s faces as a youth, my parent’s eyes as I matured each day, and I see a similar but brighter light in my husband’s eyes today. Today it is not only a light of pure love but of belonging.

I have gained an understanding over the years that love really is the key to real, lasting, and joyous relationships. It means really caring how someone is doing, what they are doing, and how you can be a help to them. It’s accepting them for who they are and believe in their futures. Marriage is all about this kind of love. I’m not perfect at it, but I’ve had enough experiences to know that this is case.