I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth.-Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Mona's Musings

January 10th, 2010

Across Hearts

How long has it been this time? I am weary of waiting on a continent where you are not; free floating, nose diving, tumbling and spinning in my own emotions. Where is there to rest but you? Come home, or make me a new one – beside you. No more delays or distance to muffle us. Let me fall asleep night after night after night on the other side of the bed, instead of the other side of the world.

(My best friend returns to his business travels this week after a precious holiday. It is our twelfth year “across hearts”.)


(Click the arrow on the right for “Morning Minuet”.)

Hint of Romance

Sailors, diplomats, missionaries and soldiers…how do women endure separation from their men?

What did you think of this musing?

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Discussion

  1. Bob says:

    I sometimes think of Dale’s job as one of those “cool jobs,” but this post is a stark reminder of just how much you sacrifice as a couple. I’m amazed at the strength of your relationship that in spite of all this travel you are still so close. Thank you for this glimpse into your heart.

  2. Grant says:

    I don’t know how you do it mom! I know it’s hard for Bri whenever I’m gone on a performance trip. Thanks goodness that you and she are so patient! I hate being away too and always picture her beside me where ever I go, wishing I could share my experiences with her directly. Thank goodness that we have a whole eternity to look forward to being together!

  3. Debbi says:

    Our separation has been, at a minimum, 51 and a half years. I endure by keeping busy with all that interests me and worries me. I endure hugging a teddy bear, with a tiny dog at my feet, a recorded male voice on the television, radio or iTunes that always gets me to drift off to sleep (throw back to my childhood routine of a story from Daddy every single night – no place in the world was more safe and secure than my parents’ bed and his wonderful vocal re-enactment of Pooh & Piglet having an adventure before being carried to my bed each night). I endure with snippets of possibilities of how it will be when we finally reunite. I endure, but never absent of longing for a return to what is only a feeling, not even a clear memory – just a feeling that once I felt complete, and one day I will again. And I endure with faith in the promise that no blessing would be denied me – and the lifetime of prior days I have already endured to remind me I did it before, I can do it today. Other joys I relish – sensing that their fleeting nature is part and parcel to mortality so that I will keep on living in the moment I am in … and looking forward to upcoming moments –

    That said – I hope you will be on the same continent and be in the same bed night after night after night very soon.

    Much love,
    Debbi

    • mona says:

      Debbi, that is what I love about musing with my fellows…I had never thought of “separation” in this way…so moving. I know and love you better dearest.

  4. Heidi says:

    I watched my mother endure many separations during my father’s business trips, or the two times when he had to move to a new job months before my mother (and kids) could follow. I don’t know the specifics that she did, I just know she DID. So while I wait for my indeterminable separation from the best friend I’ve been searching for to end, I know from her example that I can do it and that it will be worth more than I can imagine. Until then, I’m trying to live, improve, and grow so that the ending of that separation can be even more wonderful for both of us when it does end.

  5. Angel Day says:

    I have recently experienced being separated from my husband for 5 months. He is in the military and he had to go off and do training. For the first month and a half I didn’t hear anything from him except a letter or two and when he was able to call, it would only be on Sunday’s…and even then, it wasn’t always for sure. Not having him around me, especially at night, was hard enough but not even hearing his voice was tough. Our only real way to communicate was through letters, and even then, I sometimes wouldn’t get letters from him for 2-3 weeks. I knew other women had it so much worse that I would really try hard not to get to down. It is a very lonely experience to be away from your husband or wife…no matter how short or long it may be.
    I endured mainly because of my son. Sometimes I wanted to stay in bed all day and not do anything, which I believe would have just made it worse. I had to get up and move around my little man’s life. He kept me going. I endured because of my Father in Heaven who blessed me with strength, reassuring me that this is but a short time in the eternities I have with him. I endured knowing that I also had a responsibility to my unborn child I am carrying inside.
    Now that he is home, I know for a certainty that Father has enriched our relationship. I still have to be away from my husband one weekend a month and two weeks during the summer, but I will gladly take that over him being gone for 5 or more months. Thank you for letting me share this Mona.

  6. Lisa says:

    Not without a lot of whining on my part. I don’t endure separation very well. A short trip here or there is fine, absence makes the heart grow fonder, type of thing, but anything extended just throws me for a loop. I am the biggest baby.

  7. It’s nice to see that even after years and years of being together, that you still miss him so when he’s away. I’m lucky that I don’t have to be seperated from Matt very often, but I hate it when we’re apart. I’ve had so many people tell me that it gets easier to be apart the longer you’re together, and I just don’t believe it, nor can I imagine it. I miss him when he’s away and want him closer when he’s near. I hope your husband truly gets how lucky he is to have someone like you adore him…but I’m fairly certain that he does. : )

  8. Jessica says:

    Oh my, how I felt this way for the 18 months my husband was on the other side of the world for the military. I prayed every night for his safe return. He has been home for about 5 years and I still pray each day that he will return each night. I endured because I had to. There was no other choice. I got involved in things that interested me and that I could do with our one daughter at the time!
    Now, I endure the separation of other loved ones such as my mother through stories, memories, and spending time with my siblings. Family is the best support group anyone can have during any time of separation.

  9. Valerie M. says:

    I’m so glad to see you’re back to sharing your wonderful thoughts with all of us. :)

    Sorry you’ll be apart. I don’t know how long at a time, but I’d imagine it isn’t easy. I hope that you stay busy with fun projects and that that time goes by quickly.

  10. Lois Brown says:

    In our 31 yrs of marriage there were only a few times of long absences from each other all 3 times were with a move and me having to stay behind to sell the home or stay with a premature baby while everyone else moved on etc…. the longest was for 6 months…too long in my opnion but I always try to see what I can learn from a situation and it always did make me appreciate him more and realize how much he does help and how much I do depend on him and that is never a bad thing. The other times were much less dramatic. My husbnad has almost always been a Scoutmaster and the only time he hasn’t been a Scoutmaster he’s in the Bishopric. I am the mother of 3 girls and one of my daughters is disabled. I was always glad that he had this opportunity to be with and “Play” with boys since we had none and it did take a lot of weekends and vacation time away from our family. It was almost funny that every year after he would leave for Scout camp something big trauma would happen and of course he was way up in the mountains and unreachable….so I was on my own. So it became a joke or a game with the girls and I to just wait for the “the big thing” to happen and then we could relax the rest of the time he was gone. I have found that when your husband is in Puerto Rico for work and you are trying to sell your home and the water heater breaks and your pulling up carpets and sucking up water…..you just have to laugh! I laugh about these times because in about 2 weeks they are the best stories and memories and your family has bonded!

    Ramona, I emailed you back on your email about “The Carousel” what a wonderful and nervous time this all must be for you. Go see it because I have a lot of questions. Love you my dear!

  11. mona says:

    Lois, so much of life has to be languish or laughter – you choose. Thank you for that reminder!!

  12. Sarah E. says:

    Every time I read this post, I yearn to CLEAVE to my spouse. And yes, I have experienced brief episodes of my spouse’s absence, but I have not endured like the real champions. I could go on and on about the small things I do to get through those separations, but I can’t help but come back to the times I have picked my spouse up from the airport and about fallen over realizing, “Hey, that guy is waiting for ME! Crazy! He likes me and is waiting for ME.” I love that man and love you Ramona.
    May those separations be as BRIEF as humanly possible!
    With real love!

  13. First of all, I must say that Edmund Leighton is MY FAVORITE ARTIST! “A fond farewell” as you have posted is on my LIFE WISH LIST of paintings to have in my home. His painting “The Accolade” is also on the list. I absolutely love his magnificent renderings of days of chivalry and romance. Have you seen his painting of the mother holding her little toddler up over the edge of the castle to see the kingdom below? That one makes me cry if I look at it too long! And the beggar and the King? Aren’t we all humbled by the great majesty of love? Oh, how I adore his work. Just thinking of his paintings brings tears to my eyes, they move me so profoundly.

    I enjoyed your entry. I have a similar entry in my blog, called Merry Go Round. It’s a challenge to be sure. Saying goodbye to my husband every three months or so, sometimes more sometimes less. Having him gone for another three months. The hardest part for me I think, is hearing the sound of his voice. (No phones on submarines, and my husband doesn’t travel on the type that actually pull into ports, he’s underwater, THE WHOLE TIME!) I find really creative ways to deal with my loneliness and longing. I write in conversation journals, I cut hearts out of paper and tape them all over the house every time I see something that reminds me of his love, or everytime I’m just thinking of him, missing him. That one cheers me up like nothing else! Then I write blog entries about it ;) But most of all, I think of what a blessing it is that I have someone to miss like this. It is an acute reminder that I have a gift many others are deprived of. The days without him pass, no one can stop time, and he will always come home to me.

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